he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
