i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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