I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
