hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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