I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
