Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
