i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
pray to the hookup gods
They have beer where we have blood.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
