people are starting to question the shark bite story
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
