cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
