Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
