The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize