I can text with my tongue
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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