he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
