i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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