if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
