Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
