how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My penis needs a shock collar
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
