I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
