i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
