feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
