Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
