i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Me. At least after what I've been through.
one two three fourrrrnication!
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
