Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
