Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
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