he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
