last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
