um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
