I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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