yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
