Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
