i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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