Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I did not marry a roomba.
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