nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
