I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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