he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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