sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
