He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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