Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
