Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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