oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
