i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize