Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
