I like my sex mixed with concussions.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
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