he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
