respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
