I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
