Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
