using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
