she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
