Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
