Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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