my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
