Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize