Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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