I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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