in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
