did you get engaged???
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize