i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
my shit smells like andre
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
