dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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