Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
