We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
