put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
just come out here and I will go home with you...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
