she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Pants are for mortals
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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