I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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