Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
