So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize