I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
