Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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