I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
