hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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