And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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