around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
