I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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