i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
