Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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