told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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