Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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