Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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