You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I love you. Go after that dick
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
