Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
