ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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