I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
