Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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