I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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