And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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