Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Sext me about skeletons
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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