I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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