Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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