Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
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