I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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