shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
