I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
