I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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