Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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