Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
