I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
