I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
