weddingsv make me drug and hornr
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
