the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
