Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
