she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
