If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The power of my boobs compel you
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
