Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
